every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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