I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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