ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
