i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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