May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Someone came in the potted fern
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
