I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
God, I missed his penis.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
