I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
What drink are we having for lunch?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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