Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
