My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
