areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
