I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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