I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize