I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
