so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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