grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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