i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
