i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
