the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
