Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
