PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
