Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
