So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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