when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
