so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
