I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
