Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
