I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
