Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
