summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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