no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
