there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
