I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have feelings that need drinking.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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