Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize