I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
