I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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