ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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