God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
