hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
