Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
