Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
