smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
