So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
These tits shall not be calmed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
