Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize