ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
