Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
