His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
