I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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