do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I stole a fireplace last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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