I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
