...so i touched it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
