John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
