i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
