I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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