Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
