you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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