you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
