The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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