maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
