Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
