Ambien. No doubt about it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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