I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
