The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
